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I’m the best man; I did it.

See, I let you know I’m the best, by the hour. It’s like Rosie O’Donnell at a bisexual bridal shower.

It ain’t nothing to me man. I keep it for real. Look at these gleams, man, with dent on the grill.

See, I’m the best. I Told you that! This dude like that: he running from the cat.

No, I messed up, but I’m going to stay on top. They told me, man, but you know, I’m never going to flop.

Look at this dude, he need to stay in the shade. Ain’t no wonder why he came out – he’s already in the gay parade!

I told you man: I got you roasted like ever. You don’t know, but my rhymes – they straight up clever.

So you step off the pedestal. I’m the best man, you need to go the fucking dental.

i said freakin

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/541281

one college sophomore from poland noted, “i thought she was taking a ride on only my disco stick… man, was i wrong.”

even her female fans have been cheated on, as she is bisexual in perhaps the loosest meaning of the term. even a man known only has gentleman gaga has had his heart crushed.

anyway it’s time to review the past ten years:

2000 – who let the dogs out, y2k, what else is there to say? I can’t really remember what happened here very well, i mean i was a 4th and 5th grader. well, the year started off with what remains one of my most crushing childhood defeats: the titans lost the super bowl, and thus began my modern expectations of disappointment. for america, this year was all about double dare 2000.

2001 – not a whole lot happened until about 9 months into it. i can barely remember anything except the last three months of this year. i was very pissed at my grade school seeing as that they did a damned good job of hiding 9/11 from us, and this was back before internet 2.0 so none of us knew about it until we got home. they hid that from us for 5 hours… anyway, the yankees somehow fucked up the world series and then not much else happened. oh wait, george harrison smoked his ass to death. that was kinda lame but predictable.

2002 – george lucas did his best to try to save the world from star wars episode 1, but the result wasn’t that much better except for the eye candy. also barry bonds started publicly sucking dick for cocaine at about this point. also, 7th grade started. that really sucked.

2003 – saddam hussein would have a much better time if he had just like, you know, not been so dumb or something. i don’t know, 8th grade didnt suck so bad but wasnt really memorable. these years are starting to blur together. i think this is when the black eyed peas started being popular or something.

2004 – if there ever was a forgettable year, this was it. oh wait, so was 2005 and 2006.

Somewhere in 2005, youtube hit the internet and officially murdered what is now known as internet 1.0. now no one has to get on kazaa to watch star wars kid. later, this website would essentially monopolize the internet putting such faggotry as ebaumsworld out of business. unfortunately, 4chan would soon fill the necessary faggotry void and doesn’t seem to be letting go of it any time soon.

star wars episode 3 almost redeemed george lucas. almost. wait no it didnt.

2007 – i went to japan for a month and experienced the biggest reverse culture shock ever known to man. when i came back in late july, i passed out for a week because of the reverse jet lag. when i awoke, suddenly soulja boy was popular and everyone was doing the gayest dance since the macarena, electric slide, casper slide whatever the fuck. i lost a lot of faith in americans when this happened. i nominate soulja boy for biggest talentless fucker of the decade.

2008 – this year was pretty rad. i started college which was pretty cool and had a lot of fun drinking while playing left 4 dead. barack obama decided to be a party pooper with his blank rhetoric and well the economy kind of took a shit too. yeah blagojevich and bernie madoff were kind of gay too. gay gay gay gay gay GAY GAY GAY gay.

2009 – damn this year is already over… well, i saw the flaming lips spew out more confetti than the stock market in 1929. over the summer i got a job in minor league baseball, and well i can say that i’m not going to do that again.

YEAH SO as it seems, the 2000s were kind of stupid after all and really lame, but never has it been more tasteful to make hurricane katrina jokes.

EVERYTHING IS CHROME’S PERSON OF THE YEAR:

eli porter

sometime in the mid 2000s, eli porter participated in the iron mic II challenge. he lost to envy in a controversial 2-1 decision, but hip hop has never been the same since the recorded video hit the youtubes.

every once in a while there comes a time in a little white boys life where he;s like “why am i so white.” notice that wasn’t a question.

if i remember from the fourth grade ancestry project, i’m some weird kind of blend of german, british, french and either irish or italian i can’t remember the flag’s colors.

so today i decided to try the gerst house german booze hall near lp field. yeah so it was horrendously understaffed on what a tuesday night????? how am i supposed to get my german food on if i have to wait when there are empty tables out?

so i order the most german looking thing on the menu, the schwine schnitzel, and it was pretty bland tasting. maybe i’d have to be chugging on some grog to truly appreciate, because that’s pretty much all it tasted like: bar food.

the applesauce is clearly mott’s applesauce from the grocery. it’s kind of sad when the spaetzle or rye bread is the most flavorful thing on the menu. SO TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT: where are some other german restaurants in this town????